…one thing that I found lacking was the mention of Jesus throughout your article. In fact, He is barely mentioned at all. You said that you were a Christian up until 21, read and mediated on the Scriptures, and participated in church activities. Yet, where is Jesus in all of this? Isn’t Christianity supposed to be about Him?

I don’t believe that Jesus was anywhere in all of this, because I think Jesus has been dead for 2,000 years. In what context should I have mentioned him?

I once believed as you did, that Christianity is not primarily about church, or study, or doing the right things, but about having a personal relationship with Jesus who comes to live in your heart. And that’s what I tried to focus on in my searching.

Of course, if you believe that every single human hears “the call of Jesus”, then you will not believe what I’m about to tell you. Despite trying my hardest to develop a relationship with Jesus all those years, I never heard him, or felt him, or saw him, or experienced any evidence that he is real. So, there are two options: either Jesus doesn’t actually reveal himself to all who listen, or I “somehow did it wrong” and was never a “true believer”. Since you must maintain your belief that Jesus calls to all of us, you will believe I never gave my full effort, and nothing I can say will convince you that I did. This is what I addressed in point #1 of my article.

My opinion is that some people’s brains are good at creating relationships with invisible characters — imaginary friends, or characters in fiction books — and other people aren’t wired the same way. So, there are some who have a very real experience of “Jesus”, and others who don’t, no matter how hard they try. Honestly, I believe Jesus is a tulpa.

I pray that your eyes and ears would be open to hear His voice, in the quietness of your soul. I am not trying to say that you should shut the door on all Christians in your life but it sounds like they have done all they can. Be open to whatever messages may come your way. That is all I ask.

I quiet my soul in meditation on a regular basis. If Jesus is real and wants to visit me, he knows where to find me, I’m sure I will be open to whatever message he wants to send me. Likewise, I’d ask that you keep in mind the idea that perhaps the world operates exactly as we’d expect it to if there were no god.