How I Finally Learned to Enjoy Running

I needed to overcome a certain fear

Photo by Nathalie Ehrnleitner on Unsplash

I lived in a co-operative house my first year at university. At the beginning of spring term, every morning for a week, we went for a group run.

Out of 50 young men I was consistently in the back of the group. I barely kept up with the heavyset gamer and the guy with the broken leg.

Part of it was my lack of regular exercise, but I knew for a fact that many of the guys leaving me in the dust never worked out either.

As a child, I experienced aerobic limitations due to a congenital heart defect. I sometimes felt abandoned and ashamed when I couldn’t keep up on group runs or hikes. The physical problem was mostly fixed after an operation I had in high school, but they couldn’t operate on the anxiety I’d developed.

The pattern always looked the same when I tried to run:

1. Choose a route and begin running it.
2. Experience panic when my heart and lungs start screaming at me.
3. Try to push through it.
4. Be forced to stop, gasping for breath, feeling exhausted and like a failure.
5. Decide that I hate running and I won’t do it.