The true understanding of the grace of God was never brought to you for you to examine or accept, it seems.

Could you elaborate on what you mean by the above sentence? I’m confused about how you think I could have been deep in Christianity for 20 years and yet never heard the gospel. It feels like you’re making a huge assumption about me that you have no way to know.

I’d ask you to re-read point 6. Of course I’ve heard everything you’re saying about finding a personal relationship with Christ. I did everything I could to try to find that, but I never heard anything from God, and I also couldn’t generate those feelings inside myself and hope they were God, any longer. Anyway, I don’t see how any sense of this relationship would address the logical problems I outlined. They’re analytical, not emotional, problems.